For PlanetBiker Magazine

What is a “Biker”?

I want to announce that you don’t have to ride an American-made V-twin to be a biker.  

 I realize that not everyone is gonna like that statement, but I ain’t running a popularity contest here. I write for three reasons. I like to provoke thought. Lots of  thinking will keep you from getting Alzheimer’s. You’re welcome. The second reason is I like to entertain, which probably really means I like to hear myself talk, and this is just another form of talking in which you can’t interrupt my story. The third reason has something to do with the diameter of my wallet, which really ain’t any of your business unless I owe you money. Planetbiker is nice enough to let me write about pretty much whatever occurs to me, as long as I can convince them that it is somehow connected to the world of motorcycling and that at least a few of you readers out there might find  my thoughts amusing, or even interesting if  I’m having an especially good day.

Recently, at the bike shop where I work, I heard a customer make the comment while speaking of someone whom he apparently didn’t think too highly of….”He thinks he’s a biker.”  That got me to wondering, “Exactly what is a biker?”, which is the subject for today.  I’m betting that everyone who considers themselves to be a biker is gonna define “A biker” as “someone pretty much like me”, and everyone who doesn’t consider themselves to be a biker is going to define “A biker” as “someone like all of those biker-types”. If you’ve got any brain cells still firing you can probably see that neither of those is what you would call a real scientific definition of “A biker”.

At the end of the day, what most people would call “A biker” is just a stereotype. That would be leather, boots, at least one chain hanging from clothing somewhere, do-rag, some facial hair if they are of the male persuasion (and, hopefully no facial hair if they happen to be female), an American V-twin with  loud pipes and “Live to Ride, Ride to Live” showing on it somewhere, and assorted patches and maybe colors if they are affiliated with like-minded individuals. An affinity for beer  and hard livin’would complete the picture. 

There’s lots of sub-cultures, but that’s the basic picture as the general public sees it, and that’s probably how a lot of “bikers” see it, too. Well folks, at the risk of becoming as popular as a guy attending a HOG rally wearing a “Harley’s Suck” T-shirt, I just gotta disagree. This whole “what is a biker” question got me to wondering a few things, such as:

What about the lawyer on his $30,000 store-bought chopper that does most of it's traveling on a trailer? Is he a biker, or is he excluded because he had money and bought his bike instead of built it?  How many people build their bikes anyway? Bolting on some billet don’t mean you built your bike. You just dolled it up some, right? How about the guy who is perpetually short in the cash department who dresses in cheap leather and do-rag and rides a Kawasaki beater he chopped himself? Or what about the dude that rides to work everyday on his old Honda 450 shiftomatic with a milk crate strapped on the luggage rack? Is the dude a biker? What about the kid in shorts and t-shirt and full face helmet who cruises the local drive-in on his 170 MPH plastic coated zoomybike? Is he a biker? Then there's the old geezer headed to the grocery on his 50cc scooter because he only needs a few things that will fit in the basket and it's incredibly fuel efficient which is a good thing for those on a fixed income? A biker? How about the couple on a Gold Wing out for a Sunday ride in the country in Barcalounger comfort? Bikers? Then there’s the Beemer club out burning up the back roads, each wearing $1500 of protective clothing? Are they bikers? What about the lone guy at a gas station in Hobbs New Mexico on his KLR650 single with aluminum pannier bags and bedroll and enough gear to remain self sufficient all the way to Alaska? Or, what about the guys who ride ugly but functional machines selected on the basis of getting the job done rather than looking cool? How about all the women out there who ride now days?  Are they bikers or are they still relegated to pillion fluff status even though they  buy, maintain and ride their own machines? How about the folks in the pickup truck with dirt bikes strapped down in the back, heading out for a weekend of dusty and muddy and fast and air?  Or the sales manager at the local auto dealership who rides to work on his big new shiny Honda cruiser wearing his cop beanie helmet, necktie flapping in the wind?

I reckon all of those folks are bikers if that’s how they want to define themselves.

I know some people are going to say I don’t get it and that being a biker is about a lifestyle based on rugged individualists living they way they want to live, or something along those lines.  That would indeed be one definition,  but when we cut to the chase we will discover that just  about the only real rugged individualists left in motorcycling are the individuals out there who are doing things like riding around the world alone. Most of  the rest of us pretty well fit into some motorcycling niche that is filled with other people very much like ourselves. It might be the Hell’s Angels or it might be the Gold Wing Owner’s Association of America, or it might be the National Society of Unaffiliated Little Old Ladies on Mopeds.  Whatever it is, it’s going to have a bunch of people who look, act, and think quite a bit alike, which shoots to hell any notion of being rugged individualists. So a biker must be something else.

I concluded that being a real biker isn’t about living a stereotype. It’s not about what you ride, or how you dress.  It’s about the riding of  a motorcycle – any motorcycle -  being a significant part of how you define yourself and what you enjoy in life. It’s about choosing to make the riding of motorcycles a significant part of your life, however you choose to do your riding.  After much pondering and a little bit of musing on the subject,  I got it down to this: To determine if someone is a biker, ask yourself if they frequently ride a motorized vehicle that has less than 4 wheels and get an obvious kick out of doing it? If the answer is “yes”, there's your biker. We’re done. Class dismissed.

Joe

joe@videobiker.com

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